Egan Daniel has arrived!!!

And we are all doing great! Egan Daniel was born on 2-20, Weighed 7lbs 13oz. and was 20 inches long! Ok, he wants to eat... gotta run!

Ever feel insignificant?

I am feeling insignificant lately.
I have a wonderful husband who loves me dearly.
He is my rock. He makes me feel wonderful and so very loved.

But here I stand. 12 days til I am due to give birth to my son.
I should be overjoyed. Anxious, impatient, and overjoyed. And most days I am.
But today, yesterday... I am weighed down with sadness.
I have not talked to my mom in over a week. I have three sisters who never call me. I have a best friend who has not called. I feel like the people who should be the most excited for me have completely forgotten me. They even post to eachother on Facebook, but nothing to me. Not even a "how ya feeling?" or "Can't wait til he's here" NOTHING. NADA. And it makes me feel so very unimportant.

It hurts. But it is nothing new. Just wishing my phone would ring, and tired of being the one to have to constantly do the reaching out.

If you read this, I would like to thank you for joining my little hormonal pity party. Now time to try to turn my focus on the many blessings in my life.

Baby Update

The update is that the baby is still hanging out inside! I am growing more and more anxious and impatient to meet this little guy! (oh, and to get my body back and to be on maternity leave!) I'm in the clear, 37 weeks... so COME ON BABY!!!!! Every day, every night I think "this is it" but it's not.

Just wanted to give a quick update.

The waiting is definately the hardest part!!!

Vent

I feel like crap and I wish I could go lay down, sleep comfortably, wake up and have the baby. I wish I could stop screaming at my kids. I have no patience. I am ticked off that a 3rd grade teacher thinks it is ok to plan a huge geography test, a huge math test, AND a book report all to be due Thursday and Friday of this week. (a holiday week, none the less.) I'm tired of this same teacher not being able to pick her battles with a child who struggles so much in school, that she has keep him in from recess and send a note home cause he was staring off and not paying attention in math class. Ok, so the kid spaced out and didn't know what problem you were on when you called on him. GIVE ME A BREAK. He didn't hurt anyone today. He didn't get in a fight, say something inappropriate, forget his homework, HE SIMPLY SPACED OUT FOR A MINUTE! Don't we all? It appears that he can do nothing right in this very young and inexperienced teacher's eyes, and my hormonal, irritable, pregnant self is about ready to go off on her. UGH.

I am tired of my kids being nasty to eachother. They can fight about anything. I swear, they can go on arguing about whether the sky is blue for hours. Funny thing is that in MOST of these stupid arguments, NONE of them knows what they are talking about. They are all wrong, and I find that quite humorous.

Speaking of kids... WHY can they never put there homework in their folder and folder in their backback? Why can they never find their shoes without me? WHY do I have to remind them to brush their teeth? Put clothes in the hamper? Make beds? Flush toilets? Turn off a light? One would think they'd start doing this stuff just to stop having to hear me tell them to do it.

OH, where is that loving, patient, kind mother I always thought I'd be?

Please tell me this is hormones and a serious lack of quality sleep that is making me so irritable and moody. I'm so irritable, that I'm bugging myself.

Oh sweet Jesus, bring me peace of mind.

So much to do... but so very tired

I am tired.

I find myself muttering that under my breath 100 times a day. I have 6 more weeks of pregnancy (if the little man comes on schedule). This is just the time that you want work to get stressful, and have major deadlines given to you. Oh, and the prospect of being required to work some evenings and Saturdays. Apparently it hasn't been noticed that I can barely make it through the 40 hours a week I am working right now.

My brain is foggy. It can focus on nothing except the fact that in 6 weeks, I will be the mother of 4 children -- the mother of 4 children that also works fulltime outside the house. How can I write training documentation at a time like this??? Tell me... I need to get some rest to prepare for this upcoming life change.

I feel for my three kids. They have one tired and irritable mom these days. Every little thing they do is driving me NUTS. And Brad, well, he is reaching sainthood, putting up with my tired, hormonal, irritable self. He is my rock.

I cried in church today. We sang a song about putting our faith in God in troubled times (too tired to remember what the song was... lol). I cried tears of joy, for what God has brought me through. That although I am tired and cranky, it is a good tired and cranky. I am so blessed. I remembered a time, 6 years ago, when I would have sang that song from a whole different perspective. THen I thought that the miracle of God is not that I survived Ed's suicide, and now have been blessed with Brad, Clayton, Mike and Abby... and the baby. No, the miracle of God's love was that when my life was at it's darkest moment, I still found the joy of the Lord. I remembered playing praise music in my living room, dancing with my 1 & 4 year olds, just months after losing their daddy. Now that is the miracle of Jesus' love. He holds us in our darkest moments. And now I look back, in awe and amazement that this is my life. He is the God of second chances. He took me from a life of depression and alcoholism, and delivered me to this life... although it is crazy, it is wonderful.

And although I am tired, I am blessed.

Update on Me

Today I am 33 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Yes, I am counting the days... would be counting the minutes if I knew! I am so anxious to meet our little boy. He is an active little guy! Likes to keep me up at night with his flips, kicks and turns. We are slowly but surely getting the house and our lives ready for him to join us.

Time seems to be dragging at a snails pace. Perhaps it is the lack of sleep that pregnancy near 40 causes. God is definately preparing me for those sleepless nights! I want March 3rd to arrive so badly, but at the same time, I have so much to get done before then, that I want time to stop for a while. Brad has been painting, and building a new bedroom and moving beds and dressers. I have been doing the little I can before my body gives out on me. (which is very little!) I'm still working, although I am having trouble fitting behind the steering wheel of the van to get there! lol. My boss is allowing me some work from home time, which helps so I can take rests throughout the day.

I'm emotional, and irritable these days. I feel bad for Brad and the kids, who seem to get the brunt of my short-temper these days. But God love my husband... he just keeps on loving me, warts and all! I am really blessed.

Other than that, I've been feeling sad about some stuff with my family. It is a feeling that comes and goes. But the long and short of it is that I have always felt a little like a fish out of water. I have 3 sisters who are all friends and talk on a regular basis. I have always felt like the one that doesn't fit in. I feel like the one they don't understand. It is strange, I do feel like in other circles, most people find me to be a likable person. Most people I encounter in life seem to enjoy my humor, and I form friendships easily. But it just has never been that way with my family. I always feel like I am on the outside of some really great inside joke. hmmmm. Could be in my head, or not. I guess I will never know, and it is out of my control. But it still hurts. Maybe it is these out of whack hormones causing me to ponder this and have these feelings surface.

Well, that is an update on what is happening with me. If I get around to it, I will post some pics of my growing belly, and if I get my scanner working, I may even get some ultrasound pics posted soon.

Peace and Happy New Year!

Trish