Saturday, February 21, 2009

Egan Daniel has arrived!!!

And we are all doing great! Egan Daniel was born on 2-20, Weighed 7lbs 13oz. and was 20 inches long! Ok, he wants to eat... gotta run!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Ever feel insignificant?

I am feeling insignificant lately.
I have a wonderful husband who loves me dearly.
He is my rock. He makes me feel wonderful and so very loved.

But here I stand. 12 days til I am due to give birth to my son.
I should be overjoyed. Anxious, impatient, and overjoyed. And most days I am.
But today, yesterday... I am weighed down with sadness.
I have not talked to my mom in over a week. I have three sisters who never call me. I have a best friend who has not called. I feel like the people who should be the most excited for me have completely forgotten me. They even post to eachother on Facebook, but nothing to me. Not even a "how ya feeling?" or "Can't wait til he's here" NOTHING. NADA. And it makes me feel so very unimportant.

It hurts. But it is nothing new. Just wishing my phone would ring, and tired of being the one to have to constantly do the reaching out.

If you read this, I would like to thank you for joining my little hormonal pity party. Now time to try to turn my focus on the many blessings in my life.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Baby Update

The update is that the baby is still hanging out inside! I am growing more and more anxious and impatient to meet this little guy! (oh, and to get my body back and to be on maternity leave!) I'm in the clear, 37 weeks... so COME ON BABY!!!!! Every day, every night I think "this is it" but it's not.

Just wanted to give a quick update.

The waiting is definately the hardest part!!!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


I feel like crap and I wish I could go lay down, sleep comfortably, wake up and have the baby. I wish I could stop screaming at my kids. I have no patience. I am ticked off that a 3rd grade teacher thinks it is ok to plan a huge geography test, a huge math test, AND a book report all to be due Thursday and Friday of this week. (a holiday week, none the less.) I'm tired of this same teacher not being able to pick her battles with a child who struggles so much in school, that she has keep him in from recess and send a note home cause he was staring off and not paying attention in math class. Ok, so the kid spaced out and didn't know what problem you were on when you called on him. GIVE ME A BREAK. He didn't hurt anyone today. He didn't get in a fight, say something inappropriate, forget his homework, HE SIMPLY SPACED OUT FOR A MINUTE! Don't we all? It appears that he can do nothing right in this very young and inexperienced teacher's eyes, and my hormonal, irritable, pregnant self is about ready to go off on her. UGH.

I am tired of my kids being nasty to eachother. They can fight about anything. I swear, they can go on arguing about whether the sky is blue for hours. Funny thing is that in MOST of these stupid arguments, NONE of them knows what they are talking about. They are all wrong, and I find that quite humorous.

Speaking of kids... WHY can they never put there homework in their folder and folder in their backback? Why can they never find their shoes without me? WHY do I have to remind them to brush their teeth? Put clothes in the hamper? Make beds? Flush toilets? Turn off a light? One would think they'd start doing this stuff just to stop having to hear me tell them to do it.

OH, where is that loving, patient, kind mother I always thought I'd be?

Please tell me this is hormones and a serious lack of quality sleep that is making me so irritable and moody. I'm so irritable, that I'm bugging myself.

Oh sweet Jesus, bring me peace of mind.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

So much to do... but so very tired

I am tired.
I find myself muttering that under my breath 100 times a day. I have 6 more weeks of pregnancy (if the little man comes on schedule). This is just the time that you want work to get stressful, and have major deadlines given to you. Oh, and the prospect of being required to work some evenings and Saturdays. Apparently it hasn't been noticed that I can barely make it through the 40 hours a week I am working right now.

My brain is foggy. It can focus on nothing except the fact that in 6 weeks, I will be the mother of 4 children -- the mother of 4 children that also works fulltime outside the house. How can I write training documentation at a time like this??? Tell me... I need to get some rest to prepare for this upcoming life change.

I feel for my three kids. They have one tired and irritable mom these days. Every little thing they do is driving me NUTS. And Brad, well, he is reaching sainthood, putting up with my tired, hormonal, irritable self. He is my rock.

I cried in church today. We sang a song about putting our faith in God in troubled times (too tired to remember what the song was... lol). I cried tears of joy, for what God has brought me through. That although I am tired and cranky, it is a good tired and cranky. I am so blessed. I remembered a time, 6 years ago, when I would have sang that song from a whole different perspective. THen I thought that the miracle of God is not that I survived Ed's suicide, and now have been blessed with Brad, Clayton, Mike and Abby... and the baby. No, the miracle of God's love was that when my life was at it's darkest moment, I still found the joy of the Lord. I remembered playing praise music in my living room, dancing with my 1 & 4 year olds, just months after losing their daddy. Now that is the miracle of Jesus' love. He holds us in our darkest moments. And now I look back, in awe and amazement that this is my life. He is the God of second chances. He took me from a life of depression and alcoholism, and delivered me to this life... although it is crazy, it is wonderful.

And although I am tired, I am blessed.