Sunday, January 18, 2009

So much to do... but so very tired

I am tired.
I find myself muttering that under my breath 100 times a day. I have 6 more weeks of pregnancy (if the little man comes on schedule). This is just the time that you want work to get stressful, and have major deadlines given to you. Oh, and the prospect of being required to work some evenings and Saturdays. Apparently it hasn't been noticed that I can barely make it through the 40 hours a week I am working right now.

My brain is foggy. It can focus on nothing except the fact that in 6 weeks, I will be the mother of 4 children -- the mother of 4 children that also works fulltime outside the house. How can I write training documentation at a time like this??? Tell me... I need to get some rest to prepare for this upcoming life change.

I feel for my three kids. They have one tired and irritable mom these days. Every little thing they do is driving me NUTS. And Brad, well, he is reaching sainthood, putting up with my tired, hormonal, irritable self. He is my rock.

I cried in church today. We sang a song about putting our faith in God in troubled times (too tired to remember what the song was... lol). I cried tears of joy, for what God has brought me through. That although I am tired and cranky, it is a good tired and cranky. I am so blessed. I remembered a time, 6 years ago, when I would have sang that song from a whole different perspective. THen I thought that the miracle of God is not that I survived Ed's suicide, and now have been blessed with Brad, Clayton, Mike and Abby... and the baby. No, the miracle of God's love was that when my life was at it's darkest moment, I still found the joy of the Lord. I remembered playing praise music in my living room, dancing with my 1 & 4 year olds, just months after losing their daddy. Now that is the miracle of Jesus' love. He holds us in our darkest moments. And now I look back, in awe and amazement that this is my life. He is the God of second chances. He took me from a life of depression and alcoholism, and delivered me to this life... although it is crazy, it is wonderful.

And although I am tired, I am blessed.


Alicia said...

What an inspiration. Thank you.

Marsha said...

"the miracle of God's love was that when my life was at it's darkest moment, I still found the joy of the Lord."

That was the miracle and the choice you made. Yes, those second chances are blessings--no matter what the package looks like.