My heart is simply breaking tonight for my oldest child. I was sitting at home when he got home from school this afternoon, due to his little sister coming down with a virus at school today. I asked him how his day was, and he replied with "horrible". It seems he was playing a little football on the playgroun after school with 3 other boys. The two he was playing against were in fifth grade -- Mike and his other friend are in fourth. Seems there was an arguement over a play that ended in Mike scoring a touchdown. Words were said, then this 5th grader decided to whale on my son. He punched him 3 times in the stomach and one good punch to his face.
Mike fell to the ground, did not hit back, while his friend threatened to get the principal. This got the bullies attention and he began apologizing profusely. Mike told him it was ok, and by this time, his friends dad pulled up to take them home. He did not tell anyone at the school.
Tonight he came to me, so worried. What should he do? Should he talk to his teacher tomorrow? I honestly do not know. If he doesn't tell, he feels this kid is getting away with this. If he does tell, he fears drawing negative attention to himself. UGH. As I look at his face, he has a definate fist sized mark on the side of his face. I told him to stop worrying about what to do. He has a strong tendancy towards worrying and anxiety.
Well, we talked for a while, and he opens up to me that he has about 5 good friends at school, but just about everyone else picks on him and teases him. He loves sports, and likes to play at recess. But the kids he plays with are mean to him. I don't know why. He is very outgoing, and probably a little nerdy with his sense of humor (gets it honest from me). He is probably not the most coordinated kid, but he still loves to play. I feel what really is happening is that this "popular" kids have picked up on the fact that he is a pretty insecure kid. I think he is really lacking in self-esteem. Sometimes this causes him to boast when he does well. Sometmes it causes him to try to draw too much attention to himself. He is also emotional, and therefore probably reacts to the teasing, hence making himself a target for more teasing. I was teased relentlessly as a kid, for many of the same reasons. I HATE WATCHING MY SON GO THROUGH WHAT I WENT THROUGH. It is breaking my heart.
I don't know if I helped him any. I told him that I wanted him to focus on the friends he has. I told him to not try to "fit in" with these other kids. Stick with the kids that you have things in common with. If kids are jerks to you, don't continue to try to hang out with them. As far as the fight, I told him we would discuss this tomorrow. How do I help him? How do I help without interferring? Why did his F&^%$#%$ dad have to kill himself, leaving him so fragile and vulnerable?
I just want him to be happy and secure in who he is. How do I help him?
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3 comments:
What happened to your son was more than teasing. It was a physical assault. I taught middle school for years and if something like this happened - teachers and admin would want to know. The child who attacked your son is not going to stop hurting children and should be prevented from doing this again. It's tough to step in but when teasing is on-going it stops being teasing and is harrassment. We used to teach our students that. And physical stuff is just way over the line.
I am so sorry you little guy is having to deal with this.
I posted on the board as well, but I want you to know that you are doing the right thing. Michael is awesome--he has caring and loving parents and the self-esteem with come. Chad was the same way and look what a great young man he has turned into. Give Michael a hug from me---
Marsha
I am from ywbb--my son has been bullied and teased the same way from midway through 5th until the end of 6th grade. One very athletic, popular boy had the entire grade of boys ganging up and teasing/picking on him. It keeps coming up over and over through school basketball. My son is somewhat athletic and was always liked in school before this "popularity" crap started. (He goes to a GREAT school, mind you.) I had numerous meetings w/the teacher and principal. If my son told, he'd get ridiculed more, and the other child's parents & my son's own teacher called it "tattling". So--all the other boys were afraid to tell and felt like joining in was easier than standing up to the bully--and were modeling after his example of what it was to "be cool". I finally had to bring in a "child advocate" with me into a meeting w/the principal, teachers, counselors, and parent of the other child--I did not warn them I was bringing her first. It certainly WOKE UP the school faculty and parent!! Of course, the other parent insisted that my child was to blame, and that he was just a tattle-tail during the meeting. But the next school year--NO MORE PROBLEMS.
Point is--stop it now, take a hard line, confront the principal, teacher and parents and stay on it or it will grow into a monster problem later on. Bullying grew to epic perportions at my son's school! (It's a sign that staff are ignoring/or even fostering the problem.)
Oh--One more thing, in case it continues to happen over and over--take a picture if your son comes home bruised--then if you want to confront the parent with the pictures; you can say you'll report their child to the police if he can't manage to keep his hands off your son.
I lost so much time and sleep to constant worry--I hope you won't need to go through all this...
Good Luck!
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