Hurting for our Kids

The bond that God created between a mother and a child is so amazing. We feel their joy, we feel their pain. We want to guard them from the hurts of this life, even though we know we can't and that they need to experience those hurts just like we have.

What strikes me is that when one of my children is going through a difficult time, it causes me to reflect on that one great loss they have endured. The loss that I still at the age of 39 have not had to live through -- the loss of their father. My son is struggling with the pains of being a boy. He has a baseball coach who puts winning above the spirit of the child. And my child is not making the cut, and therefore is spending entire games on the bench. Mike loves baseball, sometimes so much that it makes me crazy. The boy would eat, drink and sleep baseball if I would allow it. But the fact of the matter is -- he has not had a dad to play with him, to teach him, to take the interest in him -- like these other boys have had. I have played catch with him when I could. But I'm a girl, am not very athletic, and until last year, was a fulltime working solo mom of two. Not a whole lot of time for catch.

Watching his frustration, feeling like I want to help but I can't, just hurts. It's only little league -- I do not want to be one of those over-zealous parents. I know he is not as good as those other boys. But to see the look of disappointment on his face breaks my heart.

He has a really good step-dad. But it still brings back to me the pain that his birth-dad is not here, and has not been here for a really long time. What would he be telling Mike if he were here? What words of wisdom would he have for his son? How would he help build our son's confidence? I suppose he would be doing just what I am doing, and what Brad is doing. Just telling him we are proud of him. Telling him we support whatever decision he makes regarding this stupid baseball team. Reminding him that this is just another life lesson, and that life is more than just baseball.

If Ed could say anything to his children, I think this song pretty much sums it all up:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LraZEoRnkPc

One Year Ago Today!

The fairytale began...

...and it's still going strong.

I love you, honey!

Trish

The Happiest Place on Earth

Last week, Brad and I took the kids to Disney World. We were celebrating our one year family anniversary. Last year, Brad and I took our honeymoon without kids to Hawaii, so we thought it fitting that for our first anniversary, we do something to celebrate with the kids.

It truly is the happiest place on Earth! We had a blast! Some highlights were hitting all 4 parks, a surprise visit from Clayton's Grandpa and Grandma, swimming with sharks and manta rays, and just having tons of fun as a family. The kids were the perfect ages for Disney, and although we said it was the trip of a lifetime, I know we will be back again soon.

Here are a few more pics:

And the two become one

For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations. Psalm 100: 5

This post is dedicated to Marsha and Kent, on the eve of their wedding. I'm so happy for both of you. Wishing you a long healthy life of contentment, peace, joy, and companionship. You deserve all the best.

Congratulations Marsha and Kent!

Senseless Killing

It has become all too familiar to us. Another senseless shooting spree occurred yesterday. This one hits close to home, here in Illinois. The gunman was a student here at U of I, and a resident of Champaign, where I work. As I read the headlines and watch the coverage unfold on CNN, it is announced that the killer was "off his meds". And a sinking feeling is felt in the pit of my stomach.

I am in no way an expert on medications used to treat anxiety, depression and mental illness. I know people think the world of these drugs and I know many people find relief with these pills. But I am an expert on what they did to my late husband. Before I knew Ed, when he was trying to get sober, he was put on Prozac. By the time I met him, he was wonderful. He was a nice, happy, adjusted guy. What I didn't know is that just before meeting him, he had to stop his prozac because he could not longer afford it.

I will never know what happens to one's brain when this medication is stopped. A few years later, when Ed could barely get out of bed each day and could no longer hold down a job, he sought help once again. This "doctor" tried a variety of coctails on my husband. She knew he was a recovering alki, knew he took prescription pain pills daily, and then she added to it some anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, sleeping pills, tranquilizers. You name it, they tried it. Each new med would be tried for a week or two or maybe three. Then he would complain how it wasn't working, or made him feel worse, etc. She would then change to something else.

In the weeks prior to his death, Ed was slurring his speech, and had barely gotten out of his bathrobe. He was sleeping 18 hours a day on average. He did not give the "doctor" permission to discuss his condition with me, his wife. So I was left to try to figure things out on my own. She never concerned herself with all of the additional pills from Ed's unfinished prescriptions. Those pills became Ed's method of choice to end his life.

I watched those meds turn a man who was full of life into an emotional mess who could not carry on a conversation. He went from a man who loved playing with his kids and teaching them new things, to a man who felt his kids would be better off growing up without their dad.

What does all this have to do with the tragedy in Dekalb? I'm not sure. But I think we as a society need to look closely at the issues of "quick fixes" to try to correct depression and anxiety.

This is, of course, my completely biased opinion.

My condolenses to the victims families and friends, and all that have been touched by this senseless tragedy.