Senseless Killing

It has become all too familiar to us. Another senseless shooting spree occurred yesterday. This one hits close to home, here in Illinois. The gunman was a student here at U of I, and a resident of Champaign, where I work. As I read the headlines and watch the coverage unfold on CNN, it is announced that the killer was "off his meds". And a sinking feeling is felt in the pit of my stomach.

I am in no way an expert on medications used to treat anxiety, depression and mental illness. I know people think the world of these drugs and I know many people find relief with these pills. But I am an expert on what they did to my late husband. Before I knew Ed, when he was trying to get sober, he was put on Prozac. By the time I met him, he was wonderful. He was a nice, happy, adjusted guy. What I didn't know is that just before meeting him, he had to stop his prozac because he could not longer afford it.

I will never know what happens to one's brain when this medication is stopped. A few years later, when Ed could barely get out of bed each day and could no longer hold down a job, he sought help once again. This "doctor" tried a variety of coctails on my husband. She knew he was a recovering alki, knew he took prescription pain pills daily, and then she added to it some anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, sleeping pills, tranquilizers. You name it, they tried it. Each new med would be tried for a week or two or maybe three. Then he would complain how it wasn't working, or made him feel worse, etc. She would then change to something else.

In the weeks prior to his death, Ed was slurring his speech, and had barely gotten out of his bathrobe. He was sleeping 18 hours a day on average. He did not give the "doctor" permission to discuss his condition with me, his wife. So I was left to try to figure things out on my own. She never concerned herself with all of the additional pills from Ed's unfinished prescriptions. Those pills became Ed's method of choice to end his life.

I watched those meds turn a man who was full of life into an emotional mess who could not carry on a conversation. He went from a man who loved playing with his kids and teaching them new things, to a man who felt his kids would be better off growing up without their dad.

What does all this have to do with the tragedy in Dekalb? I'm not sure. But I think we as a society need to look closely at the issues of "quick fixes" to try to correct depression and anxiety.

This is, of course, my completely biased opinion.

My condolenses to the victims families and friends, and all that have been touched by this senseless tragedy.

Kids can be so mean

My heart is simply breaking tonight for my oldest child. I was sitting at home when he got home from school this afternoon, due to his little sister coming down with a virus at school today. I asked him how his day was, and he replied with "horrible". It seems he was playing a little football on the playgroun after school with 3 other boys. The two he was playing against were in fifth grade -- Mike and his other friend are in fourth. Seems there was an arguement over a play that ended in Mike scoring a touchdown. Words were said, then this 5th grader decided to whale on my son. He punched him 3 times in the stomach and one good punch to his face.

Mike fell to the ground, did not hit back, while his friend threatened to get the principal. This got the bullies attention and he began apologizing profusely. Mike told him it was ok, and by this time, his friends dad pulled up to take them home. He did not tell anyone at the school.

Tonight he came to me, so worried. What should he do? Should he talk to his teacher tomorrow? I honestly do not know. If he doesn't tell, he feels this kid is getting away with this. If he does tell, he fears drawing negative attention to himself. UGH. As I look at his face, he has a definate fist sized mark on the side of his face. I told him to stop worrying about what to do. He has a strong tendancy towards worrying and anxiety.

Well, we talked for a while, and he opens up to me that he has about 5 good friends at school, but just about everyone else picks on him and teases him. He loves sports, and likes to play at recess. But the kids he plays with are mean to him. I don't know why. He is very outgoing, and probably a little nerdy with his sense of humor (gets it honest from me). He is probably not the most coordinated kid, but he still loves to play. I feel what really is happening is that this "popular" kids have picked up on the fact that he is a pretty insecure kid. I think he is really lacking in self-esteem. Sometimes this causes him to boast when he does well. Sometmes it causes him to try to draw too much attention to himself. He is also emotional, and therefore probably reacts to the teasing, hence making himself a target for more teasing. I was teased relentlessly as a kid, for many of the same reasons. I HATE WATCHING MY SON GO THROUGH WHAT I WENT THROUGH. It is breaking my heart.

I don't know if I helped him any. I told him that I wanted him to focus on the friends he has. I told him to not try to "fit in" with these other kids. Stick with the kids that you have things in common with. If kids are jerks to you, don't continue to try to hang out with them. As far as the fight, I told him we would discuss this tomorrow. How do I help him? How do I help without interferring? Why did his F&^%$#%$ dad have to kill himself, leaving him so fragile and vulnerable?

I just want him to be happy and secure in who he is. How do I help him?

Happy New Year!

I know it's been a while since I last blogged, and I have probably lost most of my readers, but that's ok. But I'm back, only with the excuse of "been busy" as we all are.

Here we are, in 2008... It is so nice to look back on a year gone by and feel that it was a really good year. Really, Reaaaallllly good! Just over a year ago, on December 23rd, 2006 Brad proposed to me -- and that is where it all began. I can actually say that 2007 has made up for all the crap of the previous 4 years. Felt like it was my reward for perservering... In 2007 I started a new job, in a new town. I moved nearly 150 miles away from the only city I have ever called home. I changed my children's school mid-year. We bought a new beautiful house. Brad and Clayton moved in, and in May, we all became one family. I am now the proud mom of three great kids. And the happy wife of the most amazing man. Yes, 2007 was a year of blessings.

It was also a year of change, and some struggles. Blending a family is not always easy. 6, 8 and 10 year olds -- two boys who were used to always getting their way makes for lots of power struggles and bickering. I will admit that some days they drive me completely NUTS! But we are adapting, all of us. And I hope that by this time 2009 many of the struggles will be a distant memory.

No resolutions this year. I am conituing on my journey to better health... getting more active, eating better. I have gotten Brad to join me, which will help me tremendously. I have fallen off the wagon since Thanksgiving, but it is time to get back on it... tomorrow. I swear! lol

Other than that, there is nothing too exciting to report. I hope that 2008 is a year filled with much love, health, and happiness for all of my friends out there reading.

Peace,

Trish

Homework Fun

I am the proud mother of three wonderful children. That being said homework x 3 = Insanity! Yes, that is an actual math equation, I do believe. Last night I was helping Clayton with his spelling words. Today was the test, and his teacher creativelysent home spelling tic tac toe. Where instead of just studying the spelling words in the old fashioned boring way, she came up with 12 "fun" ways to spell your words. Here is the trick... all three ways need to be in a row (ie the tic tac toe part!)

Of course I pull out the sheet to discover that the last method of spelling for the row was....

Spell all your words in shaving cream.

So, what's a mom to do? Go to the dollar store and buy a can of shaving cream, why of course! So, I set him up in the bathtub with his shaving cream, and I call the words out. What I did not realize until half way through the list is that you're supposed to spread the cream out, and they write with their finger in the shaving cream... No, I had the little guy acting like a full fledged grafitti artist with his can of shave. Wish I had the camera... it was quite a site. By the end, we both had shaving cream in our hair and he was slipping around in the tub having a blast.

Here is the kicker... the boy who mispelled 6 out of 12 words just 24 hours earlier didn't miss a word in the shaving cream. I hope he does as well on the test with his pencil and paper. Maybe I should suggest they actually take the test in shaving cream next time!

Anyway, it was a really good bonding experience for me and my new son, and I thought I would share.

Get Moving

That's my motto for 2007.

I'm moving. I'm changing. It is slower than I 'd like, but I am still going to do it.

Week four is going well. I took this morning off to stay in bed and cuddle with my hunny, but I will hit the gym tonight while my son is at Soccer Practice. You would be so proud of me... I went out of town this weekend, and stayed at my mom's house on Friday night. I woke up Saturday morning at 6am, used her weights, and then walked 2 miles... all before I had to be on the road again at 8. Woo Hoo!!! Yeah me!!!

I'm not going to worry about scales and pant sizes. Not now. It will take time. I'm just going to keep making better choices... choosing to get up and move instead of stay in bed and sleep. Choices to eat something lean and healthy instead of something fast and fattening. I ate a McDonald's cheesburger on Monday and it tasted sooooo disgusting. Yes, fast food is losing it's appeal to me. I think the fast food industry is criminal, the way they market to us and our children. It was my choice to eat that crap over the past five years, cause it was quick and easy, and my life was stressful. Now I am saying NO. No More. It doesn't take that much effort to grill a chicken breast and steam some veggies. And it tastes so much better.

Thanks to all of you for your support. It means so much to me. And Anja, there is plenty of flubber on this 5 ft. body... but soon to be less. lol! Hope you are enjoying Holland and your family.

Linda, keep pumping the water. And the Drumsticks are probably freezer-burnt and will taste like cr&p! Toss em!!! Love you madly, dear!

I am seriously thinking about trying Alli, as I have been doing quite well at limiting my fat and calorie intake... wonder if it works.... ah, I'm too cheap. Think I'll keep doing it the natural way.

Off to work... thanks for reading