I am anxious. I want the day to be here.
I am stressed. There is much to do, so I wish the day were farther away.
I am tired. I wish there were more hours in each day.
I am frustrated. {note: superficial rant on} With relatives who don't send replies, don't return phone calls, decide they are not coming, but fail to notify us, that say things like, "We'll be there unless we can get the guy to come work on our septic system that day" -- That send replies that say things like "I'd like to be there. We'll see!", then send a gift with a card that says, "Just in case I can't be there in person!" I do not care if these people come or not! But PLEASE, I need to know if I need to feed you and your family. GRRRRR! {Ok, superficial rant off.}
I am scared. I realized yesterday that I am afraid to think about growing old with Brad. Deep in my soul, I feel that somehow this happiness is going to be snatched away in a hearbeat. When I try to think about us as gray-haired (ok, I already have gray) happy old couple, enjoying our grandkids... well, I just cannot. And that SUCKS. I wish there was a guarantee that lightening could not strike twice in our lives, but I know there are no such guarantees.
Ok, that was a bit of a "only a widow can understand" downer paragraph if I ever did read one.
I am all of those things... anxious, stressed, frustrated, tired.
But I am happy. I am happier than I have ever been. Brad makes me so happy. I can get crabby with him, he can get crabby with me. But at the end of each day, he is there for me. If I haven't mentioned it, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Brad is so good to me and the kids. He is the man that I was praying for, long before I met him. He makes me want to grow old with him... And I think I will try to imagine it... to hope for it... to expect that again.
Above all other feelings, today I feel blessed.
I am stressed. There is much to do, so I wish the day were farther away.
I am tired. I wish there were more hours in each day.
I am frustrated. {note: superficial rant on} With relatives who don't send replies, don't return phone calls, decide they are not coming, but fail to notify us, that say things like, "We'll be there unless we can get the guy to come work on our septic system that day" -- That send replies that say things like "I'd like to be there. We'll see!", then send a gift with a card that says, "Just in case I can't be there in person!" I do not care if these people come or not! But PLEASE, I need to know if I need to feed you and your family. GRRRRR! {Ok, superficial rant off.}
I am scared. I realized yesterday that I am afraid to think about growing old with Brad. Deep in my soul, I feel that somehow this happiness is going to be snatched away in a hearbeat. When I try to think about us as gray-haired (ok, I already have gray) happy old couple, enjoying our grandkids... well, I just cannot. And that SUCKS. I wish there was a guarantee that lightening could not strike twice in our lives, but I know there are no such guarantees.
Ok, that was a bit of a "only a widow can understand" downer paragraph if I ever did read one.
I am all of those things... anxious, stressed, frustrated, tired.
But I am happy. I am happier than I have ever been. Brad makes me so happy. I can get crabby with him, he can get crabby with me. But at the end of each day, he is there for me. If I haven't mentioned it, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Brad is so good to me and the kids. He is the man that I was praying for, long before I met him. He makes me want to grow old with him... And I think I will try to imagine it... to hope for it... to expect that again.
Above all other feelings, today I feel blessed.
Trish
ps. I am taking another day off of work on Thursday. It feels good to make that choice. I can relax a little now and start enjoying the celebration a day earlier! woo hoo!!!!
7 comments:
Trish,
It is a bummer that our happiness has to be overshadowed a bit by our reality. You will grow old with Brad, you will have that life of love you have longed for and you will be getting married in 5 days---
Blessings to you,
Marsha
Hi, honey! I am SO looking forward to seeing you on Saturday!!! I hope the next couple of days go well for you. So much to do ... so little time! :-)
Everything will be just perfect.
I love you, and I'm so happy for you!
Linda
Congratulations to you both.
Mazel Tov - Congratulations on your wedding.
So..... Did the big wonderful great marriage take place?
hehehehe! Of course it did!
God's blessings on your entire family!
Congrats
Congratulations to Brad, you and your children!
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