Happily Ever After

Egan Daniel has arrived!!!

2009-02-21T19:42:00.003-06:00

And we are all doing great! Egan Daniel was born on 2-20, Weighed 7lbs 13oz. and was 20 inches long! Ok, he wants to eat... gotta run!

Ever feel insignificant?

2009-02-19T11:15:00.004-06:00

I am feeling insignificant lately.
I have a wonderful husband who loves me dearly.
He is my rock. He makes me feel wonderful and so very loved.

But here I stand. 12 days til I am due to give birth to my son.
I should be overjoyed. Anxious, impatient, and overjoyed. And most days I am.
But today, yesterday... I am weighed down with sadness.
I have not talked to my mom in over a week. I have three sisters who never call me. I have a best friend who has not called. I feel like the people who should be the most excited for me have completely forgotten me. They even post to eachother on Facebook, but nothing to me. Not even a "how ya feeling?" or "Can't wait til he's here" NOTHING. NADA. And it makes me feel so very unimportant.

It hurts. But it is nothing new. Just wishing my phone would ring, and tired of being the one to have to constantly do the reaching out.

If you read this, I would like to thank you for joining my little hormonal pity party. Now time to try to turn my focus on the many blessings in my life.

Baby Update

2009-02-11T22:26:00.002-06:00

The update is that the baby is still hanging out inside! I am growing more and more anxious and impatient to meet this little guy! (oh, and to get my body back and to be on maternity leave!) I'm in the clear, 37 weeks... so COME ON BABY!!!!! Every day, every night I think "this is it" but it's not.

Just wanted to give a quick update.

The waiting is definately the hardest part!!!

Vent

2009-01-21T18:45:00.005-06:00

I feel like crap and I wish I could go lay down, sleep comfortably, wake up and have the baby. I wish I could stop screaming at my kids. I have no patience. I am ticked off that a 3rd grade teacher thinks it is ok to plan a huge geography test, a huge math test, AND a book report all to be due Thursday and Friday of this week. (a holiday week, none the less.) I'm tired of this same teacher not being able to pick her battles with a child who struggles so much in school, that she has keep him in from recess and send a note home cause he was staring off and not paying attention in math class. Ok, so the kid spaced out and didn't know what problem you were on when you called on him. GIVE ME A BREAK. He didn't hurt anyone today. He didn't get in a fight, say something inappropriate, forget his homework, HE SIMPLY SPACED OUT FOR A MINUTE! Don't we all? It appears that he can do nothing right in this very young and inexperienced teacher's eyes, and my hormonal, irritable, pregnant self is about ready to go off on her. UGH.

I am tired of my kids being nasty to eachother. They can fight about anything. I swear, they can go on arguing about whether the sky is blue for hours. Funny thing is that in MOST of these stupid arguments, NONE of them knows what they are talking about. They are all wrong, and I find that quite humorous.

Speaking of kids... WHY can they never put there homework in their folder and folder in their backback? Why can they never find their shoes without me? WHY do I have to remind them to brush their teeth? Put clothes in the hamper? Make beds? Flush toilets? Turn off a light? One would think they'd start doing this stuff just to stop having to hear me tell them to do it.

OH, where is that loving, patient, kind mother I always thought I'd be?

Please tell me this is hormones and a serious lack of quality sleep that is making me so irritable and moody. I'm so irritable, that I'm bugging myself.

Oh sweet Jesus, bring me peace of mind.

So much to do... but so very tired

2009-01-18T19:45:00.002-06:00

I am tired.

I find myself muttering that under my breath 100 times a day. I have 6 more weeks of pregnancy (if the little man comes on schedule). This is just the time that you want work to get stressful, and have major deadlines given to you. Oh, and the prospect of being required to work some evenings and Saturdays. Apparently it hasn't been noticed that I can barely make it through the 40 hours a week I am working right now.

My brain is foggy. It can focus on nothing except the fact that in 6 weeks, I will be the mother of 4 children -- the mother of 4 children that also works fulltime outside the house. How can I write training documentation at a time like this??? Tell me... I need to get some rest to prepare for this upcoming life change.

I feel for my three kids. They have one tired and irritable mom these days. Every little thing they do is driving me NUTS. And Brad, well, he is reaching sainthood, putting up with my tired, hormonal, irritable self. He is my rock.

I cried in church today. We sang a song about putting our faith in God in troubled times (too tired to remember what the song was... lol). I cried tears of joy, for what God has brought me through. That although I am tired and cranky, it is a good tired and cranky. I am so blessed. I remembered a time, 6 years ago, when I would have sang that song from a whole different perspective. THen I thought that the miracle of God is not that I survived Ed's suicide, and now have been blessed with Brad, Clayton, Mike and Abby... and the baby. No, the miracle of God's love was that when my life was at it's darkest moment, I still found the joy of the Lord. I remembered playing praise music in my living room, dancing with my 1 & 4 year olds, just months after losing their daddy. Now that is the miracle of Jesus' love. He holds us in our darkest moments. And now I look back, in awe and amazement that this is my life. He is the God of second chances. He took me from a life of depression and alcoholism, and delivered me to this life... although it is crazy, it is wonderful.

And although I am tired, I am blessed.

Update on Me

2009-01-15T11:56:00.002-06:00

Today I am 33 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Yes, I am counting the days... would be counting the minutes if I knew! I am so anxious to meet our little boy. He is an active little guy! Likes to keep me up at night with his flips, kicks and turns. We are slowly but surely getting the house and our lives ready for him to join us.

Time seems to be dragging at a snails pace. Perhaps it is the lack of sleep that pregnancy near 40 causes. God is definately preparing me for those sleepless nights! I want March 3rd to arrive so badly, but at the same time, I have so much to get done before then, that I want time to stop for a while. Brad has been painting, and building a new bedroom and moving beds and dressers. I have been doing the little I can before my body gives out on me. (which is very little!) I'm still working, although I am having trouble fitting behind the steering wheel of the van to get there! lol. My boss is allowing me some work from home time, which helps so I can take rests throughout the day.

I'm emotional, and irritable these days. I feel bad for Brad and the kids, who seem to get the brunt of my short-temper these days. But God love my husband... he just keeps on loving me, warts and all! I am really blessed.

Other than that, I've been feeling sad about some stuff with my family. It is a feeling that comes and goes. But the long and short of it is that I have always felt a little like a fish out of water. I have 3 sisters who are all friends and talk on a regular basis. I have always felt like the one that doesn't fit in. I feel like the one they don't understand. It is strange, I do feel like in other circles, most people find me to be a likable person. Most people I encounter in life seem to enjoy my humor, and I form friendships easily. But it just has never been that way with my family. I always feel like I am on the outside of some really great inside joke. hmmmm. Could be in my head, or not. I guess I will never know, and it is out of my control. But it still hurts. Maybe it is these out of whack hormones causing me to ponder this and have these feelings surface.

Well, that is an update on what is happening with me. If I get around to it, I will post some pics of my growing belly, and if I get my scanner working, I may even get some ultrasound pics posted soon.

Peace and Happy New Year!

Trish

With arms wide open

2008-07-09T13:26:00.003-06:00

I'm wondering if anyone stills checks out my little blog. I do not post much, but somethings just need to be shouted from the rooftops... Hope the message is obvious!

Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I closed my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open

Well I don't know if I'm ready
To be the man I have to be
I'll take a breath, I'll take her by my side
We stand in awe, we've created life

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
I'll show you everything ...oh yeah
With arms wide open..wide open

My Little Dancer

2008-06-11T08:44:00.009-06:00

Just wanted to share some pictures from Abby's recital!

Hurting for our Kids

2008-05-27T14:56:00.003-06:00

The bond that God created between a mother and a child is so amazing. We feel their joy, we feel their pain. We want to guard them from the hurts of this life, even though we know we can't and that they need to experience those hurts just like we have.

What strikes me is that when one of my children is going through a difficult time, it causes me to reflect on that one great loss they have endured. The loss that I still at the age of 39 have not had to live through -- the loss of their father. My son is struggling with the pains of being a boy. He has a baseball coach who puts winning above the spirit of the child. And my child is not making the cut, and therefore is spending entire games on the bench. Mike loves baseball, sometimes so much that it makes me crazy. The boy would eat, drink and sleep baseball if I would allow it. But the fact of the matter is -- he has not had a dad to play with him, to teach him, to take the interest in him -- like these other boys have had. I have played catch with him when I could. But I'm a girl, am not very athletic, and until last year, was a fulltime working solo mom of two. Not a whole lot of time for catch.

Watching his frustration, feeling like I want to help but I can't, just hurts. It's only little league -- I do not want to be one of those over-zealous parents. I know he is not as good as those other boys. But to see the look of disappointment on his face breaks my heart.

He has a really good step-dad. But it still brings back to me the pain that his birth-dad is not here, and has not been here for a really long time. What would he be telling Mike if he were here? What words of wisdom would he have for his son? How would he help build our son's confidence? I suppose he would be doing just what I am doing, and what Brad is doing. Just telling him we are proud of him. Telling him we support whatever decision he makes regarding this stupid baseball team. Reminding him that this is just another life lesson, and that life is more than just baseball.

If Ed could say anything to his children, I think this song pretty much sums it all up:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LraZEoRnkPc

One Year Ago Today!

2008-05-27T09:55:00.004-06:00

The fairytale began...

...and it's still going strong.

I love you, honey!

Trish

The Happiest Place on Earth

2008-05-22T13:17:00.007-06:00

Last week, Brad and I took the kids to Disney World. We were celebrating our one year family anniversary. Last year, Brad and I took our honeymoon without kids to Hawaii, so we thought it fitting that for our first anniversary, we do something to celebrate with the kids.

It truly is the happiest place on Earth! We had a blast! Some highlights were hitting all 4 parks, a surprise visit from Clayton's Grandpa and Grandma, swimming with sharks and manta rays, and just having tons of fun as a family. The kids were the perfect ages for Disney, and although we said it was the trip of a lifetime, I know we will be back again soon.

Here are a few more pics:

And the two become one

2008-03-14T15:34:00.004-06:00

For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations. Psalm 100: 5

This post is dedicated to Marsha and Kent, on the eve of their wedding. I'm so happy for both of you. Wishing you a long healthy life of contentment, peace, joy, and companionship. You deserve all the best.

Congratulations Marsha and Kent!

Senseless Killing

2008-02-15T13:14:00.002-06:00

It has become all too familiar to us. Another senseless shooting spree occurred yesterday. This one hits close to home, here in Illinois. The gunman was a student here at U of I, and a resident of Champaign, where I work. As I read the headlines and watch the coverage unfold on CNN, it is announced that the killer was "off his meds". And a sinking feeling is felt in the pit of my stomach.

I am in no way an expert on medications used to treat anxiety, depression and mental illness. I know people think the world of these drugs and I know many people find relief with these pills. But I am an expert on what they did to my late husband. Before I knew Ed, when he was trying to get sober, he was put on Prozac. By the time I met him, he was wonderful. He was a nice, happy, adjusted guy. What I didn't know is that just before meeting him, he had to stop his prozac because he could not longer afford it.

I will never know what happens to one's brain when this medication is stopped. A few years later, when Ed could barely get out of bed each day and could no longer hold down a job, he sought help once again. This "doctor" tried a variety of coctails on my husband. She knew he was a recovering alki, knew he took prescription pain pills daily, and then she added to it some anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, sleeping pills, tranquilizers. You name it, they tried it. Each new med would be tried for a week or two or maybe three. Then he would complain how it wasn't working, or made him feel worse, etc. She would then change to something else.

In the weeks prior to his death, Ed was slurring his speech, and had barely gotten out of his bathrobe. He was sleeping 18 hours a day on average. He did not give the "doctor" permission to discuss his condition with me, his wife. So I was left to try to figure things out on my own. She never concerned herself with all of the additional pills from Ed's unfinished prescriptions. Those pills became Ed's method of choice to end his life.

I watched those meds turn a man who was full of life into an emotional mess who could not carry on a conversation. He went from a man who loved playing with his kids and teaching them new things, to a man who felt his kids would be better off growing up without their dad.

What does all this have to do with the tragedy in Dekalb? I'm not sure. But I think we as a society need to look closely at the issues of "quick fixes" to try to correct depression and anxiety.

This is, of course, my completely biased opinion.

My condolenses to the victims families and friends, and all that have been touched by this senseless tragedy.

Kids can be so mean

2008-01-16T22:28:00.000-06:00

My heart is simply breaking tonight for my oldest child. I was sitting at home when he got home from school this afternoon, due to his little sister coming down with a virus at school today. I asked him how his day was, and he replied with "horrible". It seems he was playing a little football on the playgroun after school with 3 other boys. The two he was playing against were in fifth grade -- Mike and his other friend are in fourth. Seems there was an arguement over a play that ended in Mike scoring a touchdown. Words were said, then this 5th grader decided to whale on my son. He punched him 3 times in the stomach and one good punch to his face.

Mike fell to the ground, did not hit back, while his friend threatened to get the principal. This got the bullies attention and he began apologizing profusely. Mike told him it was ok, and by this time, his friends dad pulled up to take them home. He did not tell anyone at the school.

Tonight he came to me, so worried. What should he do? Should he talk to his teacher tomorrow? I honestly do not know. If he doesn't tell, he feels this kid is getting away with this. If he does tell, he fears drawing negative attention to himself. UGH. As I look at his face, he has a definate fist sized mark on the side of his face. I told him to stop worrying about what to do. He has a strong tendancy towards worrying and anxiety.

Well, we talked for a while, and he opens up to me that he has about 5 good friends at school, but just about everyone else picks on him and teases him. He loves sports, and likes to play at recess. But the kids he plays with are mean to him. I don't know why. He is very outgoing, and probably a little nerdy with his sense of humor (gets it honest from me). He is probably not the most coordinated kid, but he still loves to play. I feel what really is happening is that this "popular" kids have picked up on the fact that he is a pretty insecure kid. I think he is really lacking in self-esteem. Sometimes this causes him to boast when he does well. Sometmes it causes him to try to draw too much attention to himself. He is also emotional, and therefore probably reacts to the teasing, hence making himself a target for more teasing. I was teased relentlessly as a kid, for many of the same reasons. I HATE WATCHING MY SON GO THROUGH WHAT I WENT THROUGH. It is breaking my heart.

I don't know if I helped him any. I told him that I wanted him to focus on the friends he has. I told him to not try to "fit in" with these other kids. Stick with the kids that you have things in common with. If kids are jerks to you, don't continue to try to hang out with them. As far as the fight, I told him we would discuss this tomorrow. How do I help him? How do I help without interferring? Why did his F&^%$#%$ dad have to kill himself, leaving him so fragile and vulnerable?

I just want him to be happy and secure in who he is. How do I help him?

Happy New Year!

2008-01-02T16:19:00.001-06:00

I know it's been a while since I last blogged, and I have probably lost most of my readers, but that's ok. But I'm back, only with the excuse of "been busy" as we all are.

Here we are, in 2008... It is so nice to look back on a year gone by and feel that it was a really good year. Really, Reaaaallllly good! Just over a year ago, on December 23rd, 2006 Brad proposed to me -- and that is where it all began. I can actually say that 2007 has made up for all the crap of the previous 4 years. Felt like it was my reward for perservering... In 2007 I started a new job, in a new town. I moved nearly 150 miles away from the only city I have ever called home. I changed my children's school mid-year. We bought a new beautiful house. Brad and Clayton moved in, and in May, we all became one family. I am now the proud mom of three great kids. And the happy wife of the most amazing man. Yes, 2007 was a year of blessings.

It was also a year of change, and some struggles. Blending a family is not always easy. 6, 8 and 10 year olds -- two boys who were used to always getting their way makes for lots of power struggles and bickering. I will admit that some days they drive me completely NUTS! But we are adapting, all of us. And I hope that by this time 2009 many of the struggles will be a distant memory.

No resolutions this year. I am conituing on my journey to better health... getting more active, eating better. I have gotten Brad to join me, which will help me tremendously. I have fallen off the wagon since Thanksgiving, but it is time to get back on it... tomorrow. I swear! lol

Other than that, there is nothing too exciting to report. I hope that 2008 is a year filled with much love, health, and happiness for all of my friends out there reading.

Peace,

Trish

Homework Fun

2007-09-07T13:55:00.000-06:00

I am the proud mother of three wonderful children. That being said homework x 3 = Insanity! Yes, that is an actual math equation, I do believe. Last night I was helping Clayton with his spelling words. Today was the test, and his teacher creativelysent home spelling tic tac toe. Where instead of just studying the spelling words in the old fashioned boring way, she came up with 12 "fun" ways to spell your words. Here is the trick... all three ways need to be in a row (ie the tic tac toe part!)

Of course I pull out the sheet to discover that the last method of spelling for the row was....

Spell all your words in shaving cream.

So, what's a mom to do? Go to the dollar store and buy a can of shaving cream, why of course! So, I set him up in the bathtub with his shaving cream, and I call the words out. What I did not realize until half way through the list is that you're supposed to spread the cream out, and they write with their finger in the shaving cream... No, I had the little guy acting like a full fledged grafitti artist with his can of shave. Wish I had the camera... it was quite a site. By the end, we both had shaving cream in our hair and he was slipping around in the tub having a blast.

Here is the kicker... the boy who mispelled 6 out of 12 words just 24 hours earlier didn't miss a word in the shaving cream. I hope he does as well on the test with his pencil and paper. Maybe I should suggest they actually take the test in shaving cream next time!

Anyway, it was a really good bonding experience for me and my new son, and I thought I would share.

Get Moving

2007-09-05T11:46:00.000-06:00

That's my motto for 2007.

I'm moving. I'm changing. It is slower than I 'd like, but I am still going to do it.

Week four is going well. I took this morning off to stay in bed and cuddle with my hunny, but I will hit the gym tonight while my son is at Soccer Practice. You would be so proud of me... I went out of town this weekend, and stayed at my mom's house on Friday night. I woke up Saturday morning at 6am, used her weights, and then walked 2 miles... all before I had to be on the road again at 8. Woo Hoo!!! Yeah me!!!

I'm not going to worry about scales and pant sizes. Not now. It will take time. I'm just going to keep making better choices... choosing to get up and move instead of stay in bed and sleep. Choices to eat something lean and healthy instead of something fast and fattening. I ate a McDonald's cheesburger on Monday and it tasted sooooo disgusting. Yes, fast food is losing it's appeal to me. I think the fast food industry is criminal, the way they market to us and our children. It was my choice to eat that crap over the past five years, cause it was quick and easy, and my life was stressful. Now I am saying NO. No More. It doesn't take that much effort to grill a chicken breast and steam some veggies. And it tastes so much better.

Thanks to all of you for your support. It means so much to me. And Anja, there is plenty of flubber on this 5 ft. body... but soon to be less. lol! Hope you are enjoying Holland and your family.

Linda, keep pumping the water. And the Drumsticks are probably freezer-burnt and will taste like cr&p! Toss em!!! Love you madly, dear!

I am seriously thinking about trying Alli, as I have been doing quite well at limiting my fat and calorie intake... wonder if it works.... ah, I'm too cheap. Think I'll keep doing it the natural way.

Off to work... thanks for reading

Week Three of Project Me

2007-08-31T09:20:00.000-06:00

I'm nearing the end of my thirda week of working out and trying to eat better. I have managed for three weeks to get to the gym and exercise for 30-45 minutes a day, 6 days a week. In the morning, mind you, and I am not a morning person.

I haven't freqented a fast food restaurant in that time. I have drank at least 64 oz of water each day. I have limited my other frinks to one Diet Pepsi a day. I have cooked a balanced dinner everynight this week, and brought leftovers for lunch the next day. I've eated my egg and whole wheat toast each morning. I've taken my vitamins. I've even done this all while suffering from really horrendous seasonal allergies. (Which I believe are better this year because I am doing this).

Can someone tell me why my pants are not fitting better? Why I am not seeing any difference in my body?

I'm frustrated. I need to start seeing some results, I'm not looking for anything major. Just a little looser fit on my waist line.

Ok, gotta run. I will keep on keeping on. It has to start happening soon.

The long and winding road

2007-08-30T08:07:00.000-06:00

I was reading on the Widow Board this morning about others who have experienced losing a spouse to suicide. Yes, after five years I still frequent the YWBB. Not so much for support, as to hopefully give someone a glimmer of hope. I can remember (barely) those early days of grief. There was no light at the end of the tunnel. All I saw when I looked forward was pain. It was dark and I was all alone, or so I thought.

Suicide causes a myriad of emotions to be dealt with. Anger, sadness, angst, guilt, deep feelings of abandonment, feeling like you were not "good enough" to stick around for, caregiver relief, fear of what others are thinking, remorse for every little thing you did in your marriage that "MAY" have caused the suicide. Yes, that is the mind of a SOS. It's a long winding road, this complicated grief. It is not linear. at first the dips and curves toss us and turn us every which way. Just when you feel you have worked through one emotion, you are hit with three more, and then the one you had "put behind you" makes a reappearance in your life.

Today, five years later, I feel I am on a more peaceful plain. My road is not so chaotic. I can honestly say that the stigma of suicide does not bother me, the emotions do not creep up on me like they once did. My mourning is in the past, for the most part. The loss is forever a part of who I am. Ed is forever a part of who I am. But today, I see the good that has come from surviving this experience. I can love more fully. I can appreciate the gifts we receive in this life. I treasure my new husband, wow, I have been blessed.

But still I look back and am amazed at the long and winding road of grief and survival that now lies behind me. I would have never made it without my friends and a God who loves me so.

Working Out would be so much easier if....

2007-08-24T07:56:00.000-06:00

I weren't so dang fat! lol

I've made through week two of working out. Today I feel really great, but will admit that rest of the week was a real struggle. I'm getting up at 6:30, going to the gym for 30-40 minutes, going home to get myself ready for work, and three kids ready for school. We are out the door at 7:50 so I can take them and the 2 neighbor kids to two different schools, and get on the road to work. I get here at 8:30, and then the real fun begins.

I WANT to enjoy this. I want the extra energy getting active provides. It is just soooooo hard to create this new habit, new lifestyle.

I have DRAGGED myself out of bed each day this week.

When does it get easier?

As they say in AA, one day at a time. Keep on keeping on. 11 years ago I completely changed my life... one day at a time. The only way out is through. Keep it Simple Stupid. Yes, I can see how this is similar.

And as much as I don't want to "diet" (hate that 4-letter word), I do need to provide my body with the foods that will give me the energy to workout. I feel better today cause after working out I cooked a egg and some whole grain toast. Need to get my vitamins pumping too. Think I will go online and order my protien shakes I used to like so much.

Ok, I can do this. Week two was a success. Keep on keeping on!!! And I am so happy to see some of my fellow bloggin-widows have decided to join me in my quest to get moving! How's it going, girls? I hope it is going well. We're in this together!

Feeling at Peace

2007-08-21T13:52:00.000-06:00

It's been a really busy year for me. Starting with getting the new job, then the engagement, the move, selling one house, buying another, relocating with two kids, new schools, new friends, planning a wedding, marriage, blending a family, and a new business to boot. Yes, busy would probably be an understatement.

There have been moments during all of these positive changes, that I thought I would not be able to hold under the stress. Yes, good changes are still stress inducing. During all of this time, while Brad and I have worked so hard to pull together this new normal, I realize that I had been neglecting myself. I stopped exercising, I starting eating as a way to cope with all the newness and uncertainty.

For the last 11 days I have been working on me. I have made it to the gym 9 times in 11 days. I am feeling better about myself, and about my life. I have to say, I have not lost a pound, but that is ok. I'm sure over time, those benefits will be enevitable. But what I want to focus on are the other benefits. Overall, I feel more positive about life. I am more patient with my kids. I have more energy. I'm getting up and doing something that is good for me, whether i want to get up or not is beside the point. I am doing it, and will continue to do it.

Today I feel more at peace with my life than I have in a long, long, looooooong time... dare I say ever? Yes, I have more peace and satisfaction right now than I have ever had. I feel like I am on the right track now. For so long, I just wondered where I belonged, I feared I would never have someone whom I cherished and who cherished me. Now it all seems so natural, and for that I am so grateful.

I just wanted to take one moment to bask in my new found happiness.

Trish

I made it to the gym this morning

2007-08-20T08:26:00.001-06:00

that's all I wanted to say. :-)

Week One

2007-08-18T08:50:00.000-06:00

I'm going to take a moment an toot my own horn! I did it! Week one went so well. I made it to the gym everyday except Friday. (Before work too, and I am NOT a morning person!) I treated myself to a new pair of workout shoes (oh, and a really cute black pump).

Anyway, I feel so great having stuck to the workouts this week! I think that blogging about this is helpful, as it keeps me accoutable. I don't want to have to come here and say "I gave up" I want to come her and tell you all how great it is going. So that keeps me working.
I looked at some before and after pictures of myself on my old trainers website.

Holy crap, I looked so much better at the end of our six month program. Now, I look like the before pics again. But that is ok. Now I know that I can do it again. And this time, I have committed to a year with the exercise. I think doing it without the trainer will be good. I can make the workouts more fun for me. (Although he was pretty hot and that was great motivation to a widow of 3 years, lol)
Hmmmm, perhaps if this week goes well, I may have to actually weigh myself. I'm not big on the weigh in's cause I know I am building muscle, so the scale will actually not show as much progress as I am actually making. I usually go by the way my clothes fit to mark my progress. I do know what my starting weight was, as I had a physical on day one. I'm sure this blog is boring, and I my house is a disaster, and my kids have no clean underwear. Better get busy.

Day three... hump day

2007-08-15T14:34:00.000-06:00

It felt like a mountain, not a hump. The alarm went off, and I just wanted to sleep. Why does that happen? I'm working out, eating well. I even got lots of sleep last night. But I only snoozed once, and still made it to the gym. I felt great once I got my ipod on. I did it! I put in a good 30 minutes of weights and the rowing machine.

Went out to lunch with the girls at work, and ordered off the "healthier choices" at Fridays. Thought I might feel deprived, but it was really, really good! My friend Marsha's blog just stopped me from wanting to scarf a box of Thin Mints, so that was good.

Here is what I struggle with. When you are very overweight, that goal seems so far away, and I have never been very successful at sticking to a fitness program. I get down. I want to see immediate benefits. I feel better, but then I look at my reflection, and .... how do I say this.... I am still fat. (DUH, you've only been working out for 5 days!)

I think a good friend hit the nail on the head... I need to not overdo it. It needs to be enjoyable, not painful. So that is my goal... get into working out. Commit to moving my body in some enjoyable way 5 days a week for 30 minutes a day. Some days I will do more, we'll see how I feel. I just want the size 6 body without the work. NOT GONNA HAPPEN! Ok, I will be really happy in a size 10. I'm not looking to be model thin.

I would like to be able to keep up with the kids and not get tired.

I want to go for a long day of shopping and not have my feet throbbing in pain.

I want to go to the petites department and find clothes that fit me.

Those are my goals. I know it will take time. One day at a time. One day at a time. {repeat}

Project Me: Days 1 & 2

2007-08-14T11:22:00.000-06:00

DAY 1 - Monday, Aug. 13, 2007

Activity
Gym from 6:45 - 7:30am
5 minutes on the stepper to rev up my heart rate
25 minutes of strength training with free weights
5 minutes of ab work
10 minutes on the elliptical

Food
Kashi with skim milk
Yogurt
Salad with grilled chicken
Rice Cake
Apple
Tacos for dinner (Should have stopped at one, but had seconds. grrr)
Drank 72 ounces of water. :-) and two diet cokes

Results
Wow! What a great day. Loads of energy. Just in a great mood. Hey, I should do this more often. (And considering it was the 5 year anniversary of Ed's death, that is saying a lot)
It felt sooooooo great to workout. I was on an adreneline rush all day.

DAY 2 - Tuesday, Aug. 14, 2007

Activity
Gym from 6:30 - 7:15
Elliptical for 15 minutes
Treadmill for 15 miutes
5 minutes of ab work

Food
Yogurt
Taco Salad (Lettuce, meat, salsa, little cheese)
Diet coke
Microwave popcorn
Pork Roast, Carrots, Mashed Potatoes
Glass of skim milk
60 ounces of water

Results
Well, I had to go for a physical and when weighed the lady said, "You don't weigh that much!!!" Yes, I hide it well, but I am way over weight. It was hard getting up today. Stayed up too late and only got 5/5 hours sleep. But I did it. I'm a little sore from yesterday. Not has exhilerated. Need to rev up my water intake. Will post more later.

Trish

My mountain to climb

2007-08-14T11:07:00.000-06:00

I haven't wanted to post about this on my blog because then I may actually be held accountable to this. But the time has come. By not acting, by not becoming accountable, I am only hurting myself.

I need to lose weight.

I really need to.

My friends, my family, people who have in the past always been heavier than me, are now getting in shape, running marathons, feeling and looking great. And I keep gaining.

It isn't about vanity. Really, it isn't. It is about quality of life, health, being around to watch my kids grow up. It scares me, but at the same time, I cannot seem to rid myself of these horrible habits I ahve developed. I cannot seem to foster the new habits needed to make this change. I have the knowledge. I know HOW to do this. I know WHAT to eat. I know I need to eat a lot LESS than I do now. I know I need to stop thinking that for some reason it is ok to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. I know I need to get moving, I need to take care of this Body God has given me. I KNOW ALL OF THIS. WHY IS IT SOOOO HARD TO JUST DO IT? Can anyone tell me the answer to that question?

Here it is, for all to see. People I know and love, people I don't know who googled me, people who don't even really like me but come read my boring little blog.

I need to lose 50 lbs. to be healthy.

I started yesterday, on the 5th anniversary of Ed's death. Year five is the year that I start caring for ME. I am going to use this blog to track my progress, my successes and failures. So here goes nothing. I am going to hit the submit button. Anyone care to join me?

Trish

Moments that Define Us

2007-08-13T09:17:00.000-06:00

Your wedding day, the birth of a child, the loss of love. In life there are many moments that define us. Five years ago today was one such moment for me. It was on that day that my life, my children's lives, so many lives would be forever changed. It was about 2 in the afternoon before I began to worry that I hadn't heard from Ed yet, that he wasn't answering his phone, that he wasn't returning my calls. The next few hours would be the longest hours of my life. The police were looking for him, I made arrangements for someone to pick up the kids. I waited, so afraid of what had happened. I think it was about 5 pm when I began to realize that things were not good. This was not just me over-reacting. Something was wrong. The police told me to wait at home. So I did. I remember my sister calling out of the blue, and me telling her that I thought he was dead. Ironically this was the sister who just months before this, had buried her husband who died of a Brain Tumor. My parent's arrived before the police. My pastor accompanied the police. I recall just screaming and crying on my mother's shoulder.

It was a defining moment. Looking back, it feels like a movie I watched on tv, not my life. How, after all, do we survive these moments? How did I breath that first day? How did I get out of bed that first week? How did my children get fed, and cared for that first year? How did the bills get paid? How did life manage to go on?

I was told early on by a well meaning pastor that I had a choice. I could choose to have this moment make me Bitter or Better. At the time, I had a few choice words for him under my breath, which would definately lean toward the first of his choices. But after time, those words would ring in my head. Bitter or better. But it wasn't a single choice. I had to each day, each new situation, choose the latter. Many days, I did not. I was bitter. I was angry. I felt abandoned, guilty, sad, furious. But each day God granted me a little more acceptance, a little more hope, a little more grace.

Here I am. five years later. Still standing. And I might say, I am a better person for what I have survived. A much better person. Still growing in that, far from perfect, but I am glad to see that I allowed life's inequities to not hold me down.

I am so grateful for my new chance at life, for the love I have found, for having family and friends that love me., for the God who makes it all possible.

I think of Ed. I barely remember somedays. I hate to say that the tragedy of his death tainted my memories of the man I fell in love with and married. With suicide, so often we remember how they died, but forget about how they lived.

Ed. A great dad. He loved his boys and Abby with all his heart. He loved to get on the floor and play with them, to wrestle them, to talk to them about what was going on in their lives. A compassionate and caring man who felt things deeply, who was constantly striving to be a better man. So many things that will forever be Ed to me... fishing, Starbucks, camping in the woods, Eric Clapton, weekend road trips, His famous BBQ ribs on his weber grill, family game night on the screen porch, woodworking, and so much more.

Today I want to remember the man who's life was cut way to short by the beast of depression. I prayed so long and hard that God heal him and give him peace. I believe he has that peace today, that peace that eluded him in this life.

Edward Thomas King
July 28, 1959 - August 13, 2002

Tagged

2007-08-09T08:16:00.000-06:00

I want to thank my good friend Marsha for tagging me on her blog last week. I would probably have blown it off, but I feel soooo bad for missing her birthday, that I thought my gift to her would be that I'd reply to her tag.

So here are the rules:
1. Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
2. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their eight random facts.

3. Players should tag eight other people and notify them they have been tagged.

8 Random Facts about me:
1. I come from a BIG family. I'm the youngest of 8 children. I have 35 first cousins, 24 neices and nephews.
2. Horrible confession: Out of my 7 siblings, I only know 3 of their birthdays. (big family, we don't really do birthdays) (I hope that makes you feel better, Marsha!)
3. When I was a little girl, I was obsessed with Cats. My nickname was Cat Casey. (BTW, my initials backwards were CAT (Casey Ann Tricia). Oh yes, and I was always Tricia... no one ever called me Trish until college.

4. I have a degree in English Literature. Yet I have only read about 5 adult novels from start to finish in the last 5 years. (I know, the horror)
5. I hate putting my laundry away. It can sit in baskets or on top of my dresser for weeks. I hate that about myself.
6. I love spicy food. The hotter the better. I love eathing Thai doused with Red Chili Pepper sauce. Love mexican covered in Jalepenos.
7. As a small child I could lay on my stomach, bend my legs over my head and take off my glasses with my toes. (No, can't do that anymore!)
8. I have never, and will never live to be 5 feet tall. Yes, my drivers license claims that I am (It also shows my age 17 weight! hee hee), but in reality, I am 4 feet 11.75 inches tall.

Ok. If you read this, consider yourself tagged!

Trish

2007-06-15T14:01:00.000-06:00

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans
12:12
How many days I held onto that Scripture! Patient in affliction. Patient in affliction. Patient in affliction. I wish I could say that I always lived it. But that would certainly be far from the truth. As anyone who knows me will tell you, I am NOT a patient person. I'm not proud of that -- in fact I would love to change that about myself. I think that having my daughter Abby is God's answer to my all too often prayer, "God, grant me patience" You see, if you ask for patience, what God does is give you circumstances that will constantly test your patience level -- like a six year old girl who is slower than molasses.
I know I have had my share of affliction. So has most anyone who is reading this blog. Now that the pain of Ed's suicide is a distant memory, it is easy to forget, and to allow the little things in life to get to me... the job... the kids... the house. I never thought I would see the day when I would complain about trivial matters. But I suppose that is a sign that normalcy has returned to my life. For so long, when someone complained about such things, I wanted to scream, " Do you want to hear about some REAL problems???" Oh, and I suppose there were days when I told them...
Today, I am trying to stay in gratitude. Gratitude for the life I have today. I have a wonderful husband. I have three really great kids, each with their own uniqueness. But each day they call me mom, and they tell me they love me. Abby has become such a daddy's girl. That term used to absolutely break my heart... daddy's girl.. but now, there is joy in my heart as I watch her snuggle up on the couch with her new "dad" Michael has a man in his life... one that cares about him, one that teaches him things, one he is growing closer to each day. Clayton has a "mom" now. I hope I do honor to that title. He has had so much pain in his little life, I hope I can now provide him with some stability and joy.

Yes, there are life's trials. My job is ever so challenging I still have that longing to be at home with the kids. This is my current struggle. What was that third part of the scripture???? Ah yes, Faithful in Prayer. I pray that God will equip me to do this job... I pray that I will find peace in my situation. And if it be His will, I pray that I will be able to work less out of the house, and be with the kids more.

More wedding pictures

2007-06-15T10:12:00.001-06:00

My best friend Amy

My parents - Married 50 years this October

Brad and his Mom

My Aunt, my 3 sisters, and my mom

Mr. and Mrs. Bradley T. Curry

You DO NOT want to know why they are laughing. Trust me.

I love this one

All My Children
My stepsons (Ed-19 and Brian-17)
And our three children (Mike-9 Clayton-7 Abby-6)

The Kiss

We Did It!

And they lived happily ever after!

First Wedding Pics

2007-06-05T14:39:00.000-06:00

The Happy Couple

Brad really was happy too! Just not the best picture!

Here I am with my beautiful flower girl / daughter, Abby

I looked okay, but she stole the show!

Widows at the wedding

(Front row): Linda (Friski Millbrook), me, Marsha (Mimi Dunstone) (Back row): Amy (Yorkiefarm), Joanne (Clarke), Heidi (Just Heidi)

Brad bought those t-shirts for my widow-posse last year when I told him that I had divulged many details to the "Emerald Carpet" crew. They say, "What's said with the girlfriends, stays with the girlfriends"... yeah, it still bugs him that I won't tell him what we all talked about on the emerald carpet! lol

Way more to come... this is just a sneak peak... my thanks to Heidi (the Just) for sending me a few early pics!

Aloha!!!

2007-06-05T08:39:00.000-06:00

We're Baaaaaack!!! And it was fabulous! The wedding was wonderful, the honeymoon, even better... I am still in a daze from all the excitement, and totally jet-lagged sitting here at work just 12 hours after getting home, but it was so amazing.

I'll post pictures in a couple days. It was hard being gone from the kids for so long.... we missed Abby's first baseball game, her first dance recital, and the last day of school. But Brad's mom did a great job at taking care of all those things, and making them all really special even though I was not here.

It seems strange to say things like "My husband will be right back" while sitting at a restaurant... Strange in a really great way. Each time I call him my husband, it gets more "normal", and I imagine in time it will not phase me.

I checked out the widow board this morning for the first time in almost 2 weeks, and there was an old post of mine bumped up, asking for crockpot recipes... in that post I was looking for some quick single mom recipes to make for me and my two little ones.... It wasn't that long ago that I was cooking for just me and Mike and Abby... now we are five.

And five is good.

Mrs. Curry

How it feels to be almost married

2007-05-22T08:13:00.000-06:00

I am anxious. I want the day to be here.

I am stressed. There is much to do, so I wish the day were farther away.

I am tired. I wish there were more hours in each day.

I am frustrated. {note: superficial rant on} With relatives who don't send replies, don't return phone calls, decide they are not coming, but fail to notify us, that say things like, "We'll be there unless we can get the guy to come work on our septic system that day" -- That send replies that say things like "I'd like to be there. We'll see!", then send a gift with a card that says, "Just in case I can't be there in person!" I do not care if these people come or not! But PLEASE, I need to know if I need to feed you and your family. GRRRRR! {Ok, superficial rant off.}

I am scared. I realized yesterday that I am afraid to think about growing old with Brad. Deep in my soul, I feel that somehow this happiness is going to be snatched away in a hearbeat. When I try to think about us as gray-haired (ok, I already have gray) happy old couple, enjoying our grandkids... well, I just cannot. And that SUCKS. I wish there was a guarantee that lightening could not strike twice in our lives, but I know there are no such guarantees.

Ok, that was a bit of a "only a widow can understand" downer paragraph if I ever did read one.

I am all of those things... anxious, stressed, frustrated, tired.

But I am happy. I am happier than I have ever been. Brad makes me so happy. I can get crabby with him, he can get crabby with me. But at the end of each day, he is there for me. If I haven't mentioned it, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Brad is so good to me and the kids. He is the man that I was praying for, long before I met him. He makes me want to grow old with him... And I think I will try to imagine it... to hope for it... to expect that again.

Above all other feelings, today I feel blessed.

Trish

ps. I am taking another day off of work on Thursday. It feels good to make that choice. I can relax a little now and start enjoying the celebration a day earlier! woo hoo!!!!

One week?

2007-05-20T09:16:00.000-06:00

OMG, it's one week from today!!!

I cannot wait!!!

No list today, just a note to say that I will be walking down the aisle in ONE WEEK and marrying the most wonderful man in the world.

I'm getting it done!

2007-05-16T21:57:00.000-06:00

I have called the relatives. I have my counts. I have my childrens ages listed. I've figured out who should be at the rehearsal dinner. Can't find a cleaning lady, but Brad assures me we can get it all cleaned. Got our honeymoon shopping done. Bought some makeup for the wedding day. Printed 3 sets of our honeymoon itinerary (one for each of us, and one to leave here with his mom)

I'm feeling good about what I accomplished yesterday and today!

Updated to do list:

Rehearsal:

Give final count to Brad's aunt
Talk to Brad's mom regarding decorations
Make shopping list and shop for drinks / paper plates / Napkins / Cups
Clean house. (Couldn't find a cleaning service :-( )
Have Brad set up canopy in back yard on Friday 5-25

Wedding Ceremony:

Select readings for the ceremony
Ask my brother what song they are singing, and who is singing
Get details for the program to the church
Send invitations for the reception to the church pastor and musician

Reception:

Send approximate counts to reception hall
Make estimated payment to reception hall
Determine how we are getting to the reception. Who will drive us? Who will drive the kids?
Send play / Don't play list to DJ
NO ARRANGED SEATING! Sit where you want! Yeah!
Arrange who will be taking kids home. (Brad's parents??)
Who will take our wedding gifts home?

Other:

Shop for wedding night stuff
Buy a card and a gift for Brad
Buy gifts (Jewelry) for bridesmaids
Buy gifts for groomsmen
Pack for honeymoon
Pack for Clayton's trip to grandpa
Layout everything for Abby's recital

Backbone

2007-05-11T07:18:00.000-06:00

So yesterday I fired my DJ.

He was an ass.

While filling out his paperwork, which asked all sorts of odd and intimate details of our lives, I discovered that this man demanded 16' x 8' to set up his "gig" (that is the size of my dining room). In addition are the demands that this space needs to be at the side of the dancefloor. the only wall adjacent to the dance floor is the wall with the french doors that open to the veranda. Sorry! You cannot have that wall. I offered him either of two corners adjacent to the dancefloor that are about 10 feet across. He said, "Not big enough" I told him I did not want an elaborate light show. he said, "Not optional" We are having the reception in a hall that at max holds 180 people, and we will have about 150 people. I do not want a DJ that tkes up half the room. UGH.

Ok, so what was his response? He told me that the light show is not optional. He told me that his configuration was not changeable. He told me that I was paying the reception hall, and they should accomodate his needs. I told him that I was paying him, and he should accomodate MY needs. Needless to say, yesterday I called around and found a DJ that has worked this room many times before, and was even willing to knock $100 off his price. (Since I will not be seeing my $100 deposit from this other jerk). So I booked the new guy, and canned the old guy.

UGH.

Add to that the friend who emailed me that she was going to be down in the area this coming weekend (the weekend before the wedding) and she wanted to get our kids together for a playdate.

Nice you say? Yes, nice, except it was her email that reminded me that I totally forgot to invite her to the wedding. I've known her since my son was in her daycare class 7 years ago. She came and worked for me for the last 3 years watching my kids in my house. We've hung our together. Our kids are really close. And I forgot to invite her.

I feel like a complete &*(&*(^ What do I do? Do I call her and say, "Hey, I forgot to invite you to the wedding. Wanna come? It's in 2 weeks." Or do I let it go?

This wedding stuff is complicated. Trying to keep it small when I have 7 siblings, 26 Aunts and Uncles, and 26 neices and nephews is not easy.

oh, and if anyone reading this is upset they I did not invite you, please don't be. If I invited everyone I love and who is important to me, the guest list would have topped 500 (or 5000 if I invited the board).

Ok, that is my bridal stress of the day. Comments are welcome and appreciated.

Trish

We're getting there

2007-05-10T07:47:00.000-06:00

I took an emergency I'm getting married in less than 3 weeks day off yesterday. Poor Brad... nothing like a bride on a mission. I dragged him all over the place, but we got lots of things accomplished. Here is a list of what we DID get done:

Took his suit in to correct the alterations

Took my dress in for alterations. It will be ready 6 days before the wedding

Bought ties for Brad and his men

Bought a unity candle holder and the candles

Bought place cards for seating

Met with the reception hall and made all of our choices for food and drink and room set-up

and here is the big one.......We got our marriage license!

So, yes, it is official with an official Piatt County seal of authenticity. Brad and Trish are getting married. Wow. I cannot tell you how absolutely amazing it felt to walk out the door with those papers in hand. Honestly, I can tell you I have never been this happy. Never.

Sometimes I feel like the odd widow out. Most of my widow friends had these wonderful marriages the first time. Mine was challenging from day one. It was lopsided from the very beginning. When Ed died, I grieved for the loss of my children's father. I grieved for all Ed would miss out on. I grieved for what never was, but I had always believed would become of our love. I grieved because I feared I would never know that kind of love.

With Brad, I feel so loved, so cherished, so secure. Today I cry tears of joy when I feel Brad's presence. It is like someone who has gone their lifetime without tasting anything but bread and water. Than after 37 years, they are placed at a feast and told they can have all that they desire. Yes, it is that good. And I am so forever grateful for the gift I have been given. Thank you Lord. You are ever faithful.

todotodotodo

2007-05-07T07:52:00.000-06:00

Meet with Pastor / organist DONE
Arrange with church to have the rehearsal dinner DONE
Tanning Appointment DONE
Dress Alterations
Earrings
Finalize reception menu
Call Aunt Linda with count for rehearsal dinner
Abby - tights
Cleaning lady to come Friday 5/25 (Brad claims he will do the cleaning!! ha ha ha
Marriage License
Complete DJ info sheet and mail (Editted to add "Without getting into a fight about it")
Go shopping for clothes for Hawaii
Go buy some new make-up for the wedding
Brad Ivory Dress Shirt
Brad Tie
Marriage License
Figure out how we are getting from ceremony to reception

In addition, I asked my brother and his kids to perform a song at the wedding and he said yes. I know we have not gotten much checked off, but Brad didfinish his finals (Hurray!) and we successfully launched our toy business at a street festival this weekend, so we have been beyond busy. This week promises to get lots knocked off the list... but it looks like today is a wash, as I accidentally took Brad's car keys to work with me, rendering his useless to accomplish anything that takes him outside a mile radius of our home. grrrrrrr.

The stressed out forgetfulness has kicked in with a vengence. We have no more than an hour of down time in over a week. But, in three weeks, we will have nothing to do but sip drinks on the beach... knowing that, I can get through this.... I can get through this!

In his arms

2007-05-07T07:38:00.000-06:00

Ever taken one of those internet surveys? You know the ones that your friends forward around asking what your favorite color is, what flavor ice cream you like, what color shoes you are wearing. I suppose you will find it odd that I never quite know how to answer those questions. I like lots of things, and I am fairly easy to please. Well, one of the questions often is what is your favorite feature on a man. That is one of those questions that has always left me confused. I like eyes, I like a good butt... hmmm... but what is it that reallllllly gets me?

Yesterday I figured it out. It is his arms. I love the feeling of a man holding me in his arms. I love the security it represents. This hit me at the strangest moment. We were sitting in church, and he wrapped his arm in mine. And tears fell from my eyes. At this moment, it felt like God came down and said, "Trish, I know all these years you have had to trust by faith that I held you in my arms. Today, I want you to feel my arms around you." Yes, after five years of feeling alone in marriage, and almost five years of feeling alone in widowhood, today, I am no longer alone. In just twenty days, I will be half of a "we" again. I am so grateful for the decade of feeling alone, for that has allowed me to truly appreciate what I have been given. Thank you God.

New to do list

2007-04-30T13:53:00.000-06:00

Knocked a few things off. Decided to not have a wedding cake. Decided to have the rehearsal dinner in the church fellowship hall. So here is the new list:

me - Dress Alterations
me - Earrings
Meet with Pastor / organist
Finalize reception menu
Arrange with church to have the rehearsal dinner
Call Aunt Linda with count for rehearsal dinner
Abby - tights
Cleaning lady to come Friday 5/25
Complete DJ info sheet and mail
Go shopping for clothes for Hawaii!!!
Go buy some new make-up for the wedding
Brad Ivory Dress Shirt
Brad Tie
Tanning Appointment
Marriage License

Four weeks from right now we will be landing in Hawaii! I cannot wait!

Ok, I feel better now.

Hungry

2007-04-29T19:25:00.000-06:00

Yes, I am. I am trying to lose 5 lbs and an inch or two around my waist in the next four weeks. I am right now realizing just how out of control my eating has been, cause these cravings are killing me. I almost pulled the wheel out of Brad's hand and drove into a Taco Bell earlier today, but I controlled the urge. Let's see, two days in, and I have only cheated by eating 3 mini chocolate chip cookies, a stack of pringles (but not the whole can!), and I did drink a diet coke. (trying to not do the caffiene). Perhaps this diet is a little strict for a bride full of stress. But Hawaii and $800 in wedding pictures, and it is worth it. I will feel better if I am down a little.

Ok, today, I got some fabulous shoes, a handbag and some other essentials (aka spanks). So I've knocked a few things off the list. Decided to forgo the wedding cake. Who needs it? The meal comes with dessert. And I was never one to like the whole feeding eachother cake thing... I have visions of Brad smashing it in my face, and then Clayton, Mike and Abby following his lead and starting an all out food fight. So icksnay on the akecay.

We picked our first dance. Shall I share? Hmmmmm

More than Love by Los Lonely Boys
We were in love before
But now it's so much more
Cause when I kiss your lips I can't explain
What I feel in my heart for you
I don't know what I'd do
Baby if I lost you
Cause I've been without you and I know how it feels
And I can't be alone anymore
I know its more than love
Baby I can feel it
When I'm close to you
I know its more than love baby do you

Perhaps I will figure out how to upload a song on to Blogger... but not tonight.

Well, Monday mornings and me don't mix. Got three young ones to get to bed. Goodnight.

4 weeks, 1 day, & 23 hours

2007-04-27T13:56:00.000-06:00

This first entry is dedicated to my good friend, Pentha. She was disturbed that there was a blogger identity for "Brad & Trish" but no Blog attached! So here you go, Alicia! The second reason this is dedicated to Pentha, is because my true motivation in started today was to use this as a place to keep my "to do" list. And Pentha is the queen of To-do. In just 4 weeks and 2 days, I will walk down the aisle to become Mrs. Patricia Curry. And as much as I would like to pretend that this wedding is going to be simple, it is anything but!

4 weeks, 1 day, & 23 hours

That is how long I have to get ready. Here is what is on the "to do" list as of today:

Wedding Cake. If we plan on cutting a cake, I really need to find someone to make one. Any bakers out there that wouldn't mind making a small wedding cake and delivering it to the middle of no where on a Sunday of Memorial Day weekend??? Ok, didn't think so. Perhaps we will just forgo this time-honored tradition, and just let ya'll eat the cake that comes included with the buffet dinner. (and I ain't kidding!)
Dress Alerations. Unless I am somehow going to grow a couple inches, and hit about 5'2 in the next 4 weeks, I will need a seamstress to hem my dress.
Shoes. I ordered them online. Pray that they fit and I can walk in them.
Spanks. I need not say more on this one.
Jewelry. Find ad for gorgeous pearl and diamond earrings and leave it wear Brad will get the hint. OH, and go to Claire's Boutique and get some cheapos as a back-up plan.
Make appointment with minister to finalize ceremony plans
Make appointment with Kennedy's to make final arrangements on the food and drink selections
Rent a canopy for the yard for rehersal dinner. Pray it does not rain.
Call church to see if we can borrow chairs and tables for rehersal dinner
Call Brad's Aunt with count of how many people we are having at this pre-wedding wedding. (yes, it seems the numbers are rising) . Brad's aunt is catering this event as her wedding gift to us! Hurray! I will not have to serve crappy central illinois pizza to my Chicago relatives!
Michael - Shoes
Abby - tights
Abby - Haircut
Cleaning lady to come Friday 5/25
Nail Appointment for me Friday 5/25
Complete DJ info sheet and mail
Go shopping for clothes for Hawaii!!!
Go buy some new make-up for the wedding
Oh, I need a purse for the wedding
Brad - Ivory Dress shirt - ask him his size and tie
Brad - Are you really going to wear your old black dress shoes???
Tanning. I need to tan before the wedding. Would not want to be lobsterized in Hawaii

Ok, if you add to this list that I have to juggle three kids baseball schedules (one of which I am coaching), tap and ballet lessons and recitals, and no time to really take off work if I want to be able to go on my honeymoon... and I am a bit freaked out.

But, it will all get done, right? And if not, well, no biggie. I'm still going to be Mrs. Patricia Curry in 4 weeks, 1 day, 22 hours and 45 minutes.

Trish
aka. the future Mrs. Curry
aka. Bridezilla